She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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