Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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