I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
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The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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