Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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