Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
