They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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