I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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