I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
