STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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