I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize