i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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