saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
