Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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