All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
