If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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