between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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