He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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