the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
