Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everclear isn't food dammit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
