I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
