we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
