I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
