I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
