now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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