When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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