so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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