break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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