If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
