At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
