He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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