To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
