I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
