I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
