tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
