How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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