I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
