last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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