I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
