i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
