Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
