After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
