These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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