somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
