Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This baby is an asshole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dick very happy bro
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
