Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
