I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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