The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
