She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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