My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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