We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
