So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is wine microwaveable?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
