that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
