a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize