she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
