I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
