I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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