This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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