Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
