with your own penis?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
