nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
