yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
