Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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