ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
