operation harelip BJ is a go
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
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Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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