I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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