i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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