would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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