dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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