Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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