Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
