Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
