why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
PANTIES FOUND
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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