Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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