The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sober January is a disaster.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
