he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do vagina's smell?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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