I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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